today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
