We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
