Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
