dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
