having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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