I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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