I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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