Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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