So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
