is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Too much gin, very little bucket
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
