I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
