Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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