I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
