Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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