Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
