Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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