just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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