I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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