marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
and you fell through a lawn chair
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
