everyone is single if you try hard enough
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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