Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
