I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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