So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
