Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
