Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
