I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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