If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
