Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
