Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
