i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
