I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
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I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You pole danced in your parka.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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