Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
