i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
