Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
