grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
