I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
