well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
