I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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