Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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