I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
