i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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