Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
