Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods