sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude