I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream