The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have already put on my inside pants.