Non-Jews are for practice
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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