Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
