she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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