I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
