Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
