So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize