I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need water and some morals
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
