I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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