Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize