You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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