i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
