dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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