he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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