thus making me awesome and them whores
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
