you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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