it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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