u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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