I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
