I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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