In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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