I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
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He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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