why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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