sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
