I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
