The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
