i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
