Already got asked if we're dating
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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