FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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