He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
