There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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