well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
