She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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