you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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