can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
